


Because I'm afraid I will be left here without you

by maggie33



Category: S.C.I.谜案集 | S.C.I. Mystery (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Bathtub Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Manipulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28032204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maggie33/pseuds/maggie33
Summary: Bai Yutong had disappeared early Monday morning. He went for his usual morning run, and the CCTV recorded him entering a park near Zhan Yao’s place. But it never recorded him coming back.
Relationships: Bai Yutong/Zhan Yao
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Because I'm afraid I will be left here without you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [geckoholic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/geckoholic/gifts).



> As always big thanks to Rei for beta-reading and encouragement.

It wasn’t a recent case; it was closed maybe three months ago. And it had seemed pretty straightforward at the time. The guy embezzled a lot of money from his company and killed his colleague who found out about it and who confronted the perpetrator. Bai Yutong arrested the guy at the airport as he was preparing to leave for his honeymoon with his newlywed wife. She pleaded and screamed and cried when the SCI took her husband away. She managed to break free from Ma Han’s hold and grabbed Bai Yutong’s jacket. “You will pay for this,” she screamed at him, spitting in his face. She kept screaming “I will kill you, I will kill you” as she was dragged away.

Later Zhan Yao couldn’t forgive himself that he didn’t pay more attention to her, that he didn’t see any signs then. Because he should have. He should have seen it and he should have known and he should have been prepared. Because if he was then maybe Bai Yutong wouldn’t be fighting for his life on the operating table right now. 

* * *

Bai Yutong had disappeared early Monday morning. He went for his usual morning run, and the CCTV recorded him entering a park near Zhan Yao’s place. But it never recorded him coming back.

Zhan Yao pressed his fists against his eyes, rubbing them in small circles. He tried to concentrate again on the files before him. He read all of it an hour ago, but wanted to read them again. Maybe he missed something, maybe there was a clue somewhere and he just didn’t notice it before. He knew he was deceiving himself and there were no clues, but he just couldn’t sit there and wait. If they couldn’t find a clue, they couldn’t find a motive. There were a lot of people who could have a grudge against Officer Bai Yutong. But the few possible suspects they could find all had an alibi. 

It had been 48 hours and he hadn’t slept for at least the last 36. Yutong would berate him and drag him forcibly to bed if he was here. Zhan Yao’s heart squeezed painfully, his mind suddenly conjuring the worst possible scenarios. He chased them away. He had to be strong and imagining Yutong’s lifeless body didn’t help. But his mind felt as if he was wandering in the fog. Maybe if he closed his eyes for a moment...

He jerked away when Zhao Fu barged into his room shouting “Doctor Zhan, we have something!” Zhao Fu looked excited and hopeful and Zhan Yao felt a tentative sliver of hope, too. He took a quick look at his watch. He had gotten only an hour of sleep, but he felt energized all of a sudden. Zhao Fu was talking fast, and that tentative sliver of hope grew much stronger. Because it seemed that they finally had a breakthrough. They found a witness. It was another early morning runner, who noticed Bai Yutong talking to a young woman. She was at the SCI office now working with the sketch artist. And an hour later when Zhan Yao looked at the identikit, the memory flashed through his mind. He remembered her – that young woman at the airport, her face contorted with rage as she cursed at Bai Yutong for taking her husband away.

Her name was Wen Rong. And her motive was quite clear. And Zhan Yao knew, and hoped desperately that he was not mistaken in this, that her need for revenge had grown so much that it prevented her from killing Yutong right away. He knew that she would want to make the man responsible for taking her husband away from her suffer. Just killing him wouldn’t be enough for her.

In the next ten hours they managed to find and question more witnesses, and check all CCTV cameras available. Chief Bao gave them all the resources and people he had at his disposal. They found more and more evidence. And most importantly they found an accomplice.

A small-time thug Wen Rong hired, named Yan Dong, started singing as soon as he realized that he could be tried as an accomplices to murder of a police officer, if Bai Yutong wasn’t found in time and alive. He didn’t know much. Wen Rong was too smart to tell him when she was taking her prisoner. He only dragged Bai Yutong’s unconscious body to the car he procured for her, and left him there. He didn’t know how Wen Rong managed to overpower him, he didn’t know where Wen Rong took him. But fortunately he did know the name of the seedy hotel where she was staying.

The stakeout lasted another 24 hours. Zhan Yao managed to catch some sleep, out of necessity, because during the preparations he felt suddenly so dizzy that he would have fallen down if Wang Shao hadn’t grabbed his arm in time. His desire to be here, to be included in the search and stakeout, was defeated by the realization that passing out was definitely not the preferable outcome when they arrested Wen Rong. He wanted to be the one asking the right question and he needed to be at his best to do it.

When they finally arrested her, she refused to talk, exactly as Zhan Yao predicted she would.

“You’ll never find him in time,” she only said, her voice triumphant.

She declined to answer every question they asked her. And Zhan Yao’s patience snapped. What they were doing – it was not enough. Zhan Yao knew what he should do, what he wanted to do right away when they brought Wen Rong to the SCI’s interrogation room. He stopped himself then.

It should have frightened him how easily he made that decision. And that there was not even an iota of doubt in his mind. If Yutong was here, he would stop him. But Yutong wasn’t here. Yutong was hurt and the person who hurt him was sitting there with a cold smile on her face. She deserved it. She deserved whatever he was willing to do to her to find out the truth.

It felt like his moral compass was seriously malfunctioning without Yutong. It seemed hard to remember that he should be doing things properly and according to the law.

Feng Jie said to him back then, “In this world if you don’t become stronger you can’t protect the one you love at all.” Zhan Yao dismissed it then; how arrogant of him. How high and mighty he felt then. He didn’t feel like that right now. Because he knew Feng Jie was right. And he wanted to get stronger to protect the one he loved most of all.

_You’re really becoming more and more like him_ , the voice in his mind whispered. That voice sounded like Bai Yutong. Zhan Yao squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds and willed himself to calm down. He needed that calm; he needed to be at his best. Because time was not on their side, and he needed to do what was necessary and fast.

Zhao Fu didn’t need much convincing to leave him alone with Wen Rong. He nodded with grim determination when Zhan Yao asked him to turn the camera in the interrogation room off.

“It’s better to give Bao Sir plausible deniability,” Zhan Yao said.

Wang Shao looked uncertain, he tried to say something, but his words of weak protest were barely audible under Zhao Fu’s forceful “Yes, Dr Zhan”. He didn’t protest any more when Zhao Fu pulled him by the arm out of the room.

Zhan Yao had learned a lot from that last time with Zhao Jue. He could take his time and take Wen Rong apart slowly and carefully, without any traces left. But he wasn’t careful. He didn’t want to be careful. There was no time to be careful. Yutong could be dying somewhere and that thought froze the blood in his veins and blew off whatever residual doubt or guilt he felt. He forced his way into Wen Rong’s mind. Crudely, without any finesse. _Hurry, hurry_ , his mind kept shouting at him, his heart alternating between squeezing in fear and pounding from helpless anger. He didn’t want to feel helpless.

Wen Rong was looking at him, her eyes serene. She was calm and silent in the beginning, looking at him with hatred in her eyes, but steady in her refusal to talk, and smiling with superiority. All that was gone now. Her gaze locked on Zhan Yao.

“You’re alive,” she finally said. She sounded disappointed.

“Yes, I am,” Zhan Yao said, trying to keep his voice calm.

His finger kept knocking against the table in an even rhythm. He had to keep her under his control, but he couldn’t break her. Not yet. _Do it_ , that voice in his mind whispered again, _hurry, she deserves it_.

“I wanted to force him to watch you die,” Wen Rong said. “And then when he suffered the same way I suffered, when he saw someone he loved taken from him, when he felt that pain, that despair...” She paused and smiled slightly. “Only then I would kill him.”

“You planned everything. That was very clever of you,” Zhan Yao said.

“Yes, yes, I did.”

She dropped her gaze suddenly, nervously wringing her hands.

“But I wasn’t ready. Not yet. There were so many things to do, so many things…”

Her voice trailed off and she looked at the wall with an empty gaze.

“How did you find Officer Bai?” Zhan Yao asked.

Wen Rong turned to look at him again.

“I followed him a few times,” she said. “I... I don’t know... I was planning to do it when he was alone. And then I saw him in the park. It was a happy accident really. It’s like the universe was telling me that I was right to do it. I asked him for help with my car, and he agreed. Such an upstanding citizen.” She twisted her lips in a contemptuous smile. “Only I knew that he was the devil that destroyed happy families.”

“What happened then?” Zhan Yao asked, keeping his voice calm.

“I had a syringe with me. I always had it with me. He didn’t expect it and he turned his back to me. I’m sure he thought that I was such a helpless little woman,” Wen Rong said. She let out a short, disdainful snort.

“He underestimated you. He shouldn’t have done that,” Zhan Yao said.

Wen Rong smiled, a dreamy little smile.

“He will pay for that, too,” she said.

“Where is he now?”

Wen Rong looked at him, as if she was surprised that he was still here.

“I... I can’t tell you that. I’m not finished. I still need... I still need...” Her voice broke, she shook her head nervously.

Zhan Yao’s hand tightened into a fist. He took a deep breath. Not so long now, she was almost there, she would tell him, he just needed to stay calm.

“You know you want to tell me,” he said in a soothing voice. “You want to show me how clever you are.”

“I... I can’t.”

“But don’t you want me to see for myself?”

Wen Rong’s gaze wandered again, she kept staring at the wall.

“Look at me,” Zhan Yao said forcefully.

He snapped his fingers. Wen Rong’s eyes followed his movements.

“Where?” he asked, his voice low.

Suddenly Wen Rong turned her head and looked at something behind Zhan Yao’s back. Her face changed, her eyes going wide with hope.

“Baby,” she whispered. “You came back to me.”

She tried to stand, but she was cuffed to the table and she dropped heavily into the seat.

“Let me go,” she pleaded. “He’s waiting for me.”

_Hallucinations and a delusion_ , Zhan Yao thought coldly. Good, one more thing he could use against her.

“You can go with your husband,” he said. “But only after you tell me where Officer Bai is.”

She looked at him, shocked.

“You will let me go?” she asked, her voice full of hope.

“I will.”

She threw one more look behind Zhan Yao’s back and smiled serenely.

“I can tell you. I don’t need him now. My baby came back to me,” she said.

She recited the address, rushing over her words.

“Can I go now?” she asked politely.

Something snapped in Zhan Yao.

“But why do you want to go? He doesn’t need you,” he said, letting her hear derision in his voice. “Don’t you see, he’s disappointed in you.”

“No, no...” she said, shaking her head. “I did it all for him. Baby, I did it all for you. Don’t leave me here, please, don’t leave me...”

“Did you really do it for him? You didn’t save him before. Why should he believe you now?” he said. And then he delivered the last shot: “He thinks you’re worthless.”

She stilled suddenly, hope going away from her eyes and turning into despair.

“He’s gone,” she whispered. “I am worthless,” she added slowly. She nodded with resignation, tears appearing in her eyes.

She was weeping uncontrollably when Zhao Fu took her away. Zhan Yao felt a fleeting pang of guilt, but it quickly disappeared. Yutong was worth whatever uneasy feeling he might have felt or would feel in the future.

During the ride to the address she gave him Zhan Yao tried to chase away the fear that she had deceived them after all and Yutong wouldn’t be there. Logically he knew she hadn’t, she was broken, he broke her. She wasn’t able to lie in such state. But some tiny crumb of doubt filled him with almost crippling anxiety.

But they did find Yutong in the dank cellar, cuffed to the ceiling, arms above his head, chains digging into his skin, with dried blood on his wrists. His head was bent and his eyes were closed and for a few seconds Zhan Yao’s mind and heart filled with cold fear, until he noticed that Yutong was breathing. It was a shallow, uneven breath, but he was breathing and that meant that he was alive. They came in time and the sudden flood of relief was so big that Zhan Yao had to lean against the wall, as his legs threatened to give up under him.

He rode to the hospital in an ambulance, fighting the urge to grab Yutong’s hands in his and never let go. Then they had to wait for the preliminary medical examination. The doctors didn’t have good news.

Severe hypothermia, mild concussion, a few other minor injuries. The swelling of the brain was the most dangerous. And the benzodiazepines in his blood, which Wen Rong had used to overpower him, didn’t help. They took him into the operating room immediately. The relief Zhan Yao felt after the rescue was completely gone by now. But now he could do nothing but wait.

After the operation Yutong was unconscious for 12 hours. Zhan Yao didn’t sleep for most of that time again. Until finally Bai Qintang, her eyes no longer red from crying, but filled with steely determination, took over the role of the Bai sibling dragging Zhan Yao to bed and forcing him to sleep when he needed it. Well, she didn’t do it personally. Just ordered the Ding brothers to do it. Zhan Yao protested at first, he had to be here, at the hospital, in case Yutong woke up. But he gave up when Bai Qintang said quietly:

“Sure, stay here, if you want Yutong to wake up and find you passed out due to exhaustion. You mean so much to him. Don’t give him another reason to worry when he wakes up.”

He stopped protesting then and let the Ding brothers drive him home. He was sure that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep anyway, but he did, almost as soon as he lay down on the bed. It was a shallow, broken sleep filled with vague distressing images that he later couldn’t recall. But he was feeling a bit better physically when he went to the hospital in the morning. Later he barely remembered those next few hours until Yutong regained consciousness. But when Yutong smiled at him from the hospital bed, with a weak, barely there smile he felt as if the cold hard band circling his heart had suddenly dissolved. He felt as if he was finally able to breathe again.

* * *

Bai Yutong behaved like a model patient for the first month at home after coming from the hospital. He adhered to all the recommendations about physical therapy and rest and dietary restriction. Then he started getting restless.

And now Zhan Yao was the one making sure Yutong ate well, didn’t overexert himself and got enough sleep. It made him smile and gain a new appreciation for Yutong’s special brand of impatient and loving care in the past. 

Another month passed by and by then Zhan Yao was used to this new routine and coming back home to Yutong complaining about being cooped up in the house all day.

Today he returned pretty late, it was already dark. Yutong was in bed, barely visible under the covers. Zhan Yao turned on the bedside lamp. Yutong grimaced and raised his hand to cover his eyes.

“Can you turn it off?” he asked.

“What is it? Are you not feeling well?” Zhan Yao asked, instantly worried.

“My head hurts,” Yutong said, pressing his fingers against his forehead.

He moaned pitifully when Zhan Yao pressed his hand alongside Yutong’s fingers. He didn’t have a fever, thankfully. Zhan Yao had an idea.

“Come on, I will make a bath,” he said.

Yutong looked at him with disbelief.

“Taking a bath works to relax your muscles, which might just ease the sensation of pain in your head, too,” Zhan Yao explained.

“Oh, of course, Dr. Zhan,” Yutong said. “I’ll defer to your expertise than.”

Zhan Yao went to the bathroom to prepare a bath. He undressed and climbed into the bathtub. He called Yutong to come in. Yutong came in grumbling about the pain, but he stilled when he saw Zhan Yao already in the bath. Zhan Yao made an encouraging gesture at Yutong.

“Get in,” he said.

Yutong smiled suggestively. Or rather tried to, but the effect was ruined by his wince of pain. He complied, pulling his pajama bottoms off and dropping them to the floor – a sure sign that he wasn’t feeling well.

He sat down in the warm water with a pleased sigh.

“I’m all yours, Dr. Zhan,” he said.

Zhan Yao smiled and took the shower head, and let the hot water work like a mini massage on Yutong’s shoulders, neck, and back. Yutong hummed with contentment. After that Zhan Yao pulled Yutong to lean against him.

“Mmm, this is nice,” Yutong murmured.

His back was pressed against Zhan Yao’s chest. Zhan Yao felt himself relax, really relax for the first time in these last few weeks. The feeling of having Yutong here alive and breathing, in Zhan Yao’s arms almost overwhelmed him. He tightened his arms around Yutong’s torso. Yutong sighed, his head falling back on Zhan Yao’s shoulder. Zhan Yao ran his palm over the smooth skin of Yutong’s arm, the firm muscles of his back and neck. He needed that. He felt Yutong relax in his arms, and he knew Yutong needed it, too. 

Zhan Yao kept touching Yutong with small, comforting gestures, just stroking the skin here and there. Yutong leaned against him, almost melting from his touch. Zhan Yao’s heart sped up. Slowly his touch started to turn more intimate. Touching turned into caressing, his fingers wandered lower to Yutong’s hips. Yutong’s lips parted, his back arching a little when Zhan Yao’s fingers pressed more firmly against the sensitive skin of his thighs. Yutong turned his head a little, his intent clear. Zhan Yao lowered his head and pressed his lips against Yutong’s in a desperate, needy kiss. They stayed like that for a while, exchanging frenzied, hungry kisses. Yutong’s hand tightened on Zhan Yao’s thigh.

“Zhan Yao,” he said. Just his name, but those two words were filled with such longing and love.

Zhan Yao’s heart started pounding, his fingers getting bolder and bolder between Yutong’s legs. Yutong moaned. And suddenly just this wasn’t enough. Zhan Yao wanted more.

“Turn around,” he said, desire making his voice hoarse.

Yutong complied instantly, equally starved. There was fire in his eyes and Zhan Yao’s body responded instantly, with an edge of excitement mixed with a thrumming arousal. Yutong moved, his knees going on both sides of Zhan Yao’s hips. It was a bit cramped in the bathtub, but they both didn’t pay it any attention.

They both knew what they wanted, and Yutong hurriedly rifled through the bottles on the shelf by the bathtub. He grabbed a green one and pressed it into Zhan Yao’s hand.

“This one,” he said. “Come on,” he urged Zhan Yao impatiently. “Come on.”

Zhan Yao quickly slicked his fingers. He pulled Yutong a bit closer as his fingers started to rub up and down between Yutong’s buttocks. Yutong groaned, his hand tightening on Zhan Yao’s shoulder. Zhan Yao pushed one finger in, moving it slowly in and out for a while. He curled his finger upward and gradually increased the speed. Yutong groaned again, his hips moving slowly up and down, and Yutong’s hard cock rubbing against Zhan Yao’s stomach. The feeling of Yutong’s heated, damp skin against his, his muscles flexing under Zhan Yao’s hand - he missed that feeling so much. 

“More,” Yutong said in a breathy voice.

Zhan Yao didn’t need to be told twice. He pushed two fingers in. Yutong shivered. He tensed as Zhan Yao’s fingers sped up, his hips moving quicker and quicker, his moaning getting louder. Zhan Yao added a third finger, his thumb pressing hard against Yutong’s buttock. Yutong was panting in his arms, his cock twitched against Zhan Yao’s body. He was close, Zhan Yao knew the signs and he increased the pressure a little, changing the angle and pushing against that small muscular gland. He pressed gently at first, then harder. Yutong’s fingers dug into Zhan Yao’s arm. He came with a loud moan, his head falling on Zhan Yao’s shoulder.

He rested for a few seconds like that, breathing heavily, then he raised his head and captured Zhan Yao’s lips in a hard kiss. His hand travelled lower, between Zhan Yao’s legs. Zhan Yao didn’t need much. Just the feeling of Yutong’s hard body against his, his weight so familiar and something he missed so much, it was almost enough. He came with a sigh, overwhelming relief mixing in his mind and body with a sweet rush of pleasure.

Yutong leaned against him again, pressing a light kiss against Zhan Yao’s neck. Zhan Yao embraced him tightly and just held him, enjoying the closeness and gratitude for Yutong being here with him. They stayed like that until the water started to cool off and Yutong started complaining about the bathtub not really being that great for cuddling.

Later in bed Yutong plastered himself against Zhan Yao’s body. Zhan Yao used to hate sleeping with other people. Now he couldn’t imagine falling asleep in any other way, only with Yutong like this by his side, warm and relaxed.

“How’s your head?” he asked.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Yutong said. “Congratulations, Dr. Zhan, your treatment worked perfectly. Feel free to apply it next time, too.”

His chuckle turned into a yawn and he rubbed his eyes with his hand. But he raised his head to look Zhan Yao straight in the eyes.

“Zhan Yao, I wanted to ask you…” he started to say and then paused for a few seconds. “What happened with Wen Rong? I asked, but they all aren’t forthcoming with details.”

He stopped again. Zhan Yao waited calmly. He knew it would come, he expected the talk, just maybe not yet.

“What did you do? What did you say to her?” Yutong asked.

Zhan Yao didn’t answer for a while. Yutong waited patiently, but his gaze was anxious.

“I had to get you back,” Zhan Yao finally said. “And there was not much time.”

_What do you want me to say_ , he thought. _Do you want me to admit that I could have done it differently, that I had a choice, which wasn’t really a choice, because you weren’t here_.

“You weren’t here,” he said.

But there had been a time when Yutong was there and still Zhan Yao almost kill someone. He remembered that scene from the forest clearly now, Du She on his knees, Yutong next to him, his gun raised. Zhan Yao had pointed his gun at Du She’s head, feeling anger swell inside him.

“You’re not going to actually kill him, are you?” Yutong had asked.

Zhan Yao’s grip on the gun was strong, his fingers pressing against the trigger were sure and steady. _Pull it_ , something whispered in his mind. _He is a sinner. Pull the trigger and the world will be safer_. For a moment there had been no doubt in his heart, just calm certainty.

“You weren’t here,” he repeated.

Yutong sighed.

“Yes, I know,” he said.

He looked at Zhan Yao for a few more seconds, looking for something in his face. Zhan Yao wasn’t sure if he found what he was looking for.

“I’m sorry,” Yutong finally said. “It’s a bad time for that talk. Let’s just drop it.”

“Fine,” Zhan Yao said.

But the subject was already brought up, in the open and he knew that they would have to come back to it. His heart squeezed with sudden fear at the thought of losing Yutong because of what he did, and the grip he had on Yutong’s wrist tightened involuntarily. Yutong looked at him carefully and then his eyes softened.

“I won’t leave you,” Yutong said. “I promise.”

Zhan Yao didn’t know if he should be scared or awed that he was so easily read to his boyfriend. Right now he just nodded and smiled, and concentrated on pushing that fear away into a dark corner of his mind. It would come up again, he knew it, but for now he could lock it up and not think about it. Yutong was here.

Yutong fidgeted a little bit until he found the most comfortable position, which involved his arm thrown over Zhan Yao’s waist. Normally Zhan Yao would find that a bit oppressive, but right now he was grateful for that closeness. He pressed his face into Yutong’s hair inhaling the clean calming smell of soap. Yutong squeezed his hand gently in response. They fell asleep like that, the world around them contracted into this room and this bed and just the two of them with their breaths mingling in sleep. And for now it was enough.


End file.
